1966 Conceived, probably on his father’s birthday, in San Clemente, California.
1967 Born during The Great Midwest Blizzard in Lansing, Michigan.
1968 Cannot do much for himself.
1969 The birth of his brother, Robert.
Jonathon asks for him to be returned to the hospital.
1970 Fears taking baths.
1971 Fails to blow out the candles on his birthday cake.
1972 Breaks a window with his face.
Thinks he has gone blind.
1973 Falls in love with his babysitter.
Beaten by his father for leaving a door open.
1974 Cannot stop hiccupping.
Runs away from home; returns the same day.
1975 His father teaches him how to fight.
Thinks he is crowned the Burger King.
1976 Wears red, white, and blue clothes every day for a whole summer.
1977 Tries to stop his father from choking his mother.
1978 Runs away from home again and hides from his father in the neighbor’s garage.
His blackouts begin.
1979 Thinks cancer is contagious.
1980 Begins high school.
Worries he caused his grandfather’s death.
1981 Finds his father’s pornography and begins to learn about women.
Feels he is beginning to rot after getting a cavity filled.
1982 His first visit to a psychiatrist.
1983 His first sexual experience with a girl who is not in a magazine.
1984 Loses virginity; does not want it back.
1985 Breaks up with first real girlfriend.
Graduates from high school.
Leaves home to begin college.
1986 Tries to hug his father, but his arms are not long enough.
His mother worries about him being away at college.
1987 His parents separate.
Considers suicide after reading depressing novels.
1988 Stops going to class or studying.
His parents divorce.
An airplane explodes over Scotland.
1989 Graduates from college.
Cuts off contact with his father.
1990 Disappears for a year.
1991 Chases a tornado.
Lies on resume to get weatherman job.
Gets camera time in a small market.
1992 Meets Sara Olson, who recognizes him from television.
1993 Starts living with Sara.
Gets distracted by airplanes.
1994 Attempts to make it rain; fails.
1995 Attempts to conceive a child with Sara; fails.
Buys a house with a cracked foundation.
1996 Committed to a mental hospital by Sara.
Months pass; gets himself out.
1997 Sara separates from him.
1998 Begins looking for his childhood.
Refuses to sign divorce papers.
1999 Tries to remember his whole life.
Commits suicide in his car in the garage
at his home in Jefferson City, Missouri.
[Note: This piece was originally published in No Colony #1 and then in Dear Everybody.]